Maya
I am at home tonight since I am back at work tomorrow. I left Conrad’s place in the afternoon. He tried to get me to stay again, but I told him no because I had work in the morning, which is part of the truth. The other is I was a little overwhelmed with everything that had happened. I needed a minute to process it. He said he would call, but he hasn’t. I don’t know if he is busy, forgot, or changed his mind. Maybe I am just being paranoid. It is late, and I am getting ready for bed, so I don’t expect to hear from him now.
I change into my pjs, ensuring everything is ready for work tomorrow before slipping into bed. I double-checked that my alarm was set and grabbed my book from my bedside unit. I will read for a bit before I sleep. If I end up getting any sleep. I make myself comfortable and start to read. Or should I say, try to read, but my mind keeps wandering back to the last twenty hours and everything that has happened. I really think if we had condoms, I would have had sex with him. I am sure it would have been amazing, but I am unsure if it would be great for me mentally afterwards. I know he would be as gentle as I needed him to be, but it is still a big step for me. I am sort of glad we didn’t have protection. If I am going to be spending more of my time with Conrad, I should probably consider getting back on birth control to be extra safe because it is so easy to get caught up in a moment and forget a condom. I am quickly lost in my thoughts all over again.
The sound of my cell ringing pulls me from them. I reach for it and am surprised to see it is Conrad calling. I honestly believed I wouldn’t hear from him. I hit the answer button.
“Hi,” I say softly.
“Hello, beautiful. I wasn’t sure if you would still be awake or not.”
“I am in bed but reading. I didn’t expect you to call tonight.” I reply honestly.
“I promise you I would.”
“Yes, but I thought maybe you had forgotten or something.”
“I don’t break my promises, angel. I ended up at my parent’s for dinner and just arrived home. I am sorry if you thought I forgot. I promise it wasn’t that.” He says softly.
“No, it is okay,” I whisper.
“How has your night been?”
“Quiet. I haven’t done much. How was dinner with your parents?”
“Yes, it was okay. Turned into mostly business, though.” He chuckles.
I snicker, “Oh, okay.”
I am sure it is like that most of the time since they are all businesswomen and men.
“Nothing unusual for us. Did you say you are already in bed, yes?”
“I did. I plan to read for a bit, and hopefully, after, I will sleep.” I sigh.
Conrad falls silent on the other end for a moment. He must be thinking about something. I leave him to it until he is ready to say whatever next.
“Do you want me to come over and stay?”
I should have known what was coming.
“No, it is okay. I will be fine. Thanks, though.”
“Okay, if you change your mind, no matter the time, call me, and I will come over.” He says softly.
“I will not call during the night, Conrad.” I protest.
“Yes, you will; if you are struggling to sleep or just want someone there, call me Maya.”
His voice is firmer than before. I roll my eyes since he can’t see me.
“Fine, if I need you, I will call you.”
I won’t do it, but he doesn’t need to know.
“Thank you. I meant it when I said I was here for you, Maya.”
“Yes, I know you did, Conrad, and that is sweet of you.”
I wanted to believe him, but a part of me is doubtful of his words, but that was my issue, not because of him. I need to learn to trust him, which will not come easily. I have been promised the world before and ended up in my own personal hell.
Conrad and I have random conversation for the next ten minutes.
“Right, I am going to go and let you try to get some sleep. Can I see you tomorrow night?” he asks.
“Um, I will let you know. It depends when I am done with work.”
“Maya, you should be done by a certain time every day. Meredith has no right to keep you late all of the time.” He sighs.
“It is fine. I don’t want any trouble. I also can’t afford to be fired, either.”
“It isn’t fine, Maya. You need to stand up for yourself.” He says gently.
“I am not getting into this with you, Conrad. I am going to sleep. I will text you tomorrow. Goodnight.”
I hang up the call before he can say another word. Even though I know he is right, I am not in the mood to talk about Meredith. I don’t need him to fight my battle for me, especially when it comes to work. I shouldn’t even be seeing him at all; the last thing I need is for him to say something to Meredith. I would rather keep it all separate, which is easier said than done since his family owns my work, but I want to try at least.
A text came through from him only a minute later.
I am sorry, Maya; I didn’t mean to upset. Goodnight. I hope you get some sleep and remember my offer if you don’t xx
I don’t text back. I groan and set my cell aside. I put my book down and snuggled under the covers, my bedside lamp still on. I really hope one day, I will be able to sleep in pure darkness again. I am not a child. I shouldn’t be afraid of the dark. I sigh, bring the covers right up to my chin and hug the teddy I keep in my bed. It brings me comfort. I should maybe look into getting a cat. I would love a dog, but I am not home enough to take care of a dog properly. One day, though.
I close my eyes and silently hope for sleep to take over me. It doesn’t take long for me to start tossing and turning. Great! It will be another sleepless night for me! I know that the second I start turning and tossing so much. I will stay put, and hopefully, that will help. If I am not asleep within a couple of hours, I will get out of bed and find something to occupy myself.
Why can’t I sleep tonight in the way I did last night? Surely, I don’t need Conrad next to me to sleep? No, he can’t be the reason since I had good night sleeps before he came along. Not many, but some. I refuse to rely on someone in such a way again. I will tell myself it is a bad night until I believe it.