Maya
I rush into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I rest against it, close my eyes and try to calm down my pounding heart. The reason for my heart going crazy is a mix of both panic and how good the kiss made me feel. I can’t believe I kissed him! What the hell was I thinking? I don’t do that; I never make the first move. His lips are perfect, just like the kiss was. I still shouldn’t have done it because I don’t think I am ready for anything to happen, and the last thing I want is for him to believe I am messing with his emotions. I am not. I am scared, and I can’t help it. There are a million reasons why nothing can happen between Conrad and I. Yet, a massive part of me wants to forget all those reasons, but I can’t. I can’t make myself vulnerable again, not after what happened to me the last time, I let my guard down. I like him, of course I do, a lot.
I pull myself away from the door and splash some cold water on my face. I wish I could hide here until I need to go to work, but it would be rude. I need to try and get a couple of hours of sleep. Once I gather myself, I head back through. I wondered if he had left, but when I stepped into my bedroom, I saw him sitting up in my bed.
“You didn’t leave…”
Conrad shakes his head, “No. Are you okay?”
I climb back into bed next to him, “I will be. I am sorry. I needed a minute.”
“You don’t need to be sorry.” He smiles.
“We should try to rest now,” I whisper.
I worry if we stay awake any longer, I will do something stupid like kiss him again.
“Good idea. We need to be up in a couple of hours.”
I say a quick goodnight and turn my back to him, lying down. I bring the covers up to my chin and snuggle under them. I feel him move behind me, and his presence seems closer. I think he is right behind me.
“Maya, can I hug you?” Conrad asks, evidently nervous.
It has been a long time since someone has hugged me, especially at night. I don’t answer straight away. I am not sure if I can handle having him so close to me. I hear him sigh after my silence continues.
I take a deep breath before I reach behind me to find his arm. I tug it in the hope he will get the hint without me having to say a word. He did. Conrad comes closer, his front against my back, and he drapes his arm over me, linking our fingers together.
Neither speaks because there isn’t much to say. I ignore the churning in my stomach and how my pulse seems to be racing. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths before I begin to freak out. My hand starts to shake. I hate how my body is reacting. I know I don’t need to be fearful of Conrad, but my body and brain don’t seem to be on the same page.
“Maya, why is your hand shaking?”
I can hear the concern in his voice.
“Don’t worry about it. I am fine. It does that sometimes.” I lie.
I can’t tell him the real reason. He will pull away, and I don’t want him to.
“Are you sure? You know I would not hurt you, right?” he whispers.
“I know. Ignore it. It will stop in a second.”
Much to my disappointment, he dropped my hand and put a distance between us. I roll over to face him, and Conrad looks at me, a worried look on his face.
“Why did you let go?”
Conrad lets out a loud puff of air and runs his fingers through his hair, “Because the way you reacted to me was fear, Maya.”
“Conrad, I promise it has nothing to do with you.”
I don’t want him to think he is the cause of my fear because he isn’t.
“Then what is it? Why are you so scared when it comes to such simple, natural things? There must be a reason, Maya and I don’t want to add to the problem.” He says softly.
“Fine. The last man I was with was abusive, controlling and possessive. It has only been six months since I finally found the strength to get away from him. And no, I don’t want to talk about it or go into detail, okay? So don’t ask me any questions.” I snap.
I didn’t mean to snap, but I hate talking about what happened to me, but Conrad doesn’t seem to leave the topic alone. I watch sadness fill his eyes, and a sympathetic look covers his face.
“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, Maya. I am sorry you went through that, but please know I could never hurt you. I won’t ask any questions, but know I am here if you change your mind and need to talk.”
“Thank you. Now, can we drop it?” I sigh.
Conrad nods. I manage a small smile before I turn away from him again. I curl up, and the tears brim in my eyes. I allow them to roll down my cheeks, but only briefly, before wiping them away.
Conrad’s arm came back around me, and he pulled me back closer to him. I seem to fit perfectly. I don’t take his hand this time because I don’t want it to start shaking again.
“Goodnight, beautiful.” He whispers and plants a trail of soft kisses on my shoulder.
I moan softly, “Goodnight.” I breathe out.
I won’t lie; the feel of his warm lips felt good on my skin. I know his gesture wasn’t sexual, just sweet and comforting. I close my eyes and pray for sleep to take over. It may only be a couple of hours, but I have functioned with less sleep multiple times before.
I hear Conrad’s breathing even out from behind as he falls asleep quickly. Lucky him. I appreciate it more than he knows that he stayed up with me and took me out for a couple of hours. He didn’t need to do that. He could have gone home at any time, but he chose to say. It is all very sweet of him. I still have no idea what I will do with our entire situation. For now, I need to sleep. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.