Maya
The night had been perfect, exactly what I needed it to be. We enjoyed our lovely meal and wine, watched some movies and made love a few times in the fort. Conrad has fallen asleep in the fort. I lay with him until he did. I won’t sleep tonight. I am not sure when I will be able to sleep again because he won’t be next to me. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I carefully pull away from him, not wanting to wake him and sneak out of our fort. I sigh and stroll to the kitchen, allowing my tears to fall. I want to tell him what is going on, but I can’t. It will put him and his family in danger.
I make some lemon tea and find a notepad and pen before heading to the balcony. I am going to make a start to the letter I need to write, but I am not sure if I am ready to or not. I will need to do it eventually. I sit at the table outside, and one of the lights comes on automatically. Hopefully, it isn’t too bright and will wake Conrad up. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I will miss the city when I leave.
I took a moment to take in the view and snap a couple of photos. I plan on leaving my cell and watch behind because Conrad can track me. I can’t have him finding me, not too soon, in case Callum finds out. I will back everything up on the cloud. I don’t want to leave all the memories behind. I am determined to return one day as soon as Callum is out of the way and if Conrad hasn’t moved on. Seeing him with someone else would kill me, but I always want him to be happy. I am the one leaving, not him.
The tears roll down my cheeks, and I let them. I want to stop feeling the pain so bad, but that will never happen. I pull it together and focus on writing. I only managed to write his name and one line. My tears fall onto the paper, smudging the writing. I crumble the paper and set it aside. I try again, one, two, three more times, but the same thing happens. This is not happening tonight. I don’t know how I will ever manage it because how do you say goodbye to the man you love with your entire heart, body, mind and soul? The one who gave you everything and protected you from all the bad in the world? It will shatter my heart into a million pieces. It is all too much.
I give up. Instead, I drink my tea and enjoy the cold air and the view. Once finished, I head back inside. I shove the balls of paper to the bottom of the trash to make sure he doesn’t find them. I will empty it tomorrow. I wash my cup and climb back in next to Conrad.
“Where did you go?” he asks tiredly.
“I need a drink of water, is all, my love. You can go back to sleep. Are you okay here or want to go to bed?”
He wraps his arm around me and pulls me close to him, “I am happy in here with you, sweetheart. Are you okay with staying here?”
I kiss over his chest, “Yes, I am fine here.” I reply and bury my face in his neck.
He kisses the top of my head, “Try and get some more sleep, angel. I love you.”
I nuzzle his neck, “I love you too.”
He covers me back up, keeping me close to him and quickly falls back asleep. I close my eyes, praying I can get some, but it doesn’t come. I will stay here with him until the morning and pretend I slept great. If he works out, I haven’t been sleeping, he will start asking questions, one which I can’t answer.
“I am sorry, my love. I hope one day you can forgive me.” I whimper quietly.
I wipe my tears once again before they fall onto his chest. He doesn’t deserve the hurt I am going to cause him. I should have left at the start when Callum showed back up. It would have stopped a lot of pain, lies and heartache for everyone involved. However, I believe that even if I had tried, Conrad wouldn’t have given up on me. We are supposed to be together, but it is like the right person, the wrong time. I will do whatever is needed to make sure we find our way back to one another one day.
****
I left the fort about two hours ago and have been occupying myself. I had to move. I managed one hour of sleep, but that was all. I am preparing breakfast for us. I didn’t want to make it too early since it was his day off, and he would want to sleep a little later. It is after ten now, which is usually when he wakes on the weekend, sometimes earlier.
I plate up the fresh muffins I made with a side of fruit and yoghurt. I also scrambled some eggs and cooked bacon. I may have made too much, but he always has such a huge appetite in the morning. I place everything onto a tray, along with coffee and some orange juice.
As I approach, I see him stir awake, and he instantly reaches for me.
“I am here, handsome. I was making breakfast.” I smile.
“You should have awoken me, angel, and I would have helped.”
“No, all is good. Do you want to eat in here or outside?”
He pats the spot next to him on the floor. I hand him the tray and climb back in.
“You baked muffins?”
I nod, “Yes, I have been up for a while. I may have made too much, but I am sure you will manage most of it.” I laugh.
“Are you saying I am greedy?” he pouts.
I snicker and shake my head, “No, you always have a hearty appetite in the morning, is all I meant.”
“Nice save.” He chuckles and kisses me softly.
I smile brightly. I don’t know how I will get through my days without hearing his laugh or seeing him smile. My heart starts to ache again, but I keep it together in front of him.
“Yes, now eat.”
“Yes, boss.” He teases, going straight for the white chocolate muffin.
I laugh and reach for one too. We have breakfast in a comfortable silence. I only managed a muffin and some fruit. I would rather not have had anything because I feel sick to my stomach, but if I don’t eat, Conrad will become concerned.
“What would you like to do today?” he asks.
“Something fun. We should get out of the house.” I suggest.
I want to make the most of our last weekend together.
“Okay, we can have breakfast, shower and prepare for the day before deciding what to do.” He smiles.
I nod, “Yes, sounds like a plan, handsome.” I coo and kiss him softly.
I hate that I will be leaving him soon. I honestly have no idea how I am going to get on with life without him, without his love and spending every single day with him.