Chapter 9: IV. Persistence-4

I knew he was teasing me. I slapped his arm as I unlocked my Jeep to put my things inside. God, he was firm. "Zoey came by," I murmured. "Was she nice?" he asked. "In her own way," I replied. "She was really cryptic about you. There are things that I'm not so sure about, things that seem strange to me. But Zoey told me not to pass judgement over something that I know nothing about. And she's right. I have been judging. All I know for sure is that something is going on here that I can't describe." Shea smiled, warmly this time. "I hope things will make sense for you in time. But for now, if it helps, something is going on for me as well. You're in my head, Sara. I'd like to know you better, if that's okay." He sounded so sincere, like he really cared. Maybe he was just as confused about me, too. It was a comfort to know I wasn't the only one going insane. "Do you want to walk down the beach?" he asked hopefully. "Is everybody else still down there?" Truthfully, I was too shy to parade myself around with Shea so soon after meeting him. And after Zoey's dig about everyone already knowing, it made it all the more embarrassing. "No, it will be just us," Shea replied, shaking his head. I nodded. "Sure." Shea didn't offer me his hand, which I was glad about. It was too soon, too new. Instead, we walked side by side. Shea matched his pace with mine. My legs were much shorter than his, and so I knew he would be able to march on ahead, but I was grateful for this small gesture. We crossed the main street and walked down onto the beach. As soon as I hit sand, I stopped to take off my Converses. Shea immediately took them from me and carried them for me. "Are you a gentleman?" "Just trying to impress you," he replied honestly, grinning. I kept my eyes on the sand in front of me. If I let my eyes wander, I knew they would find his taut chest and I didn't need a second round of embarrassment. I had had enough for today. "Tell me about New York," Shea began as we walked. "What was your life like there?" "I didn't live in the city," I replied. "We lived upstate in the suburbs. But we would venture down into Manhattan frequently for weekends away. If there was a new show opening, or I got a good grade, my mom liked to take me into the city. Even if it was just for a sundae at Serendipity." I smiled nostalgically. I would miss the rhythm of the city. The noise to most was distracting and annoying. To me, the city just felt alive. So many people going so many places. New York City reminded me of most airport departure terminals. I hoped we would still visit, even though we were farther away now. "I'd love to go," Shea commented. "I've never left Providence. This town is the only place I know." "You should," I encouraged. "Maybe it could be a graduation gift from your parents next year?" Shea's face softened. "I won't be leaving town any time soon," he said quietly. "Not even for college?" I frowned. He shook his head. "Not even for college. I might take some classes locally, but I can't leave." "Why?" I demanded to know, then quickly realised my tone sounded forceful. "Sorry, it's none of my business." "No, no, it's okay," he assured me. He sighed. "My dad died," he said bluntly. "Really unexpectedly. He had a heart attack three years ago surfing with Cece and me. We got him to the hospital as quickly as we could but there was nothing they could do. He was gone." I felt goose bumps cover my body. Oh my God, that was absolutely awful! What a thing for a young brother and sister to go through! "Oh, Shea, I'm so sorry," I said tenderly. "Thanks." He smiled down at me sadly. "I'm okay, but I'm not. When people say they had the greatest dad, they never met mine. My dad was a good, strong man, who did anything and everything for his family. He loved Cece and me fiercely, and we weren't prepared to be without him. Cece and I have learned to cope. Mom hasn't. She barely functions. She won't ever get over it." That was so sad. The way he talked about his father was so admirable. Shea respected and loved his father deeply. But his mother? To still be so unreachable after three years? "Mom needs me to take care of her. Cece needs me. I can't leave her alone with Mom if I go off to college. Cece has Jamie, thankfully, but I still can't leave her in that house alone during her senior year. Besides, I have to run the … family business." Shea wasn't talking like the cheeky, teasing eighteen-year-old he was at school. He was a young man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. What burdens he had at such a young age? To have so few options? "Has your mom thought about seeing a therapist?" I asked quietly. "Nobody can help her. The only thing that could would be to have my dad back and that's impossible," Shea said, defeated. I wish I knew what to say. I knew what it was like to be without a dad, but I suppose I was fortunate in never having to grieve for him. "I think you were very lucky to have such a wonderful father, even if you were only allowed such a short amount of time with him." I hoped my words could offer him comfort. It hurt my heart to know that he had experienced, and was still experiencing, a level of pain I did not understand. "I know, I was," he agreed. "What about your dad?" he asked, turning the conversation back onto me. "You've mentioned your mom but not your dad." "Oh, well, my dad passed away, too," I confessed. Shea had a look of shock and sympathy about him. "A long time ago. I don't remember him. I was actually born in Providence. My parents met here, got married young, had me. But he died in a car accident when I was two. I suppose my mom didn't want to be here anymore, so we packed up and left for New York. And now it's fifteen years later." We had been walking for a while, so long that we had now come to the pier that harboured the dozen or so boats belonging to Providence residents. Shea made the move to sit down in the sand by the pier and I sat next to him. The sand was warm from the sun. I buried my toes in it. "What was it like?" Shea asked. "Growing up without your dad." I pondered the notion for a moment. "I suppose I don't know any different," I replied honestly. "It's always just been Mom and me. I think I noticed that I didn't have something that other kids had on Father's Day. Mom would always try to distract me, but I didn't have anyone to make a card for. I often wonder what it would have been like to have a dad around. I often wonder what my dad was like. I know nothing about him." That was what happened when you had a mother who never spoke about him and a daughter who was too worried about stepping on eggshells to ask. "Your mom never talks about him?" Shea asked in disbelief. I shook my head. "Never. I mean, she doesn't have any pictures. She doesn't talk about him. I think, maybe like with your mom, it's too hard for her. Maybe this is how she's learned to cope." Shea didn't say anything for a minute. He just looked ahead at the ocean. The tide was coming in and was almost touching our toes. We would need to move soon. "These types of behaviours don't make sense to me. But then, I don't know what I would do if I ever lost my soulmate," Shea finally said. "Maybe I would be the same way." He turned his head to look down at me. His eyes looked almost hazel in the sunset, and I could see the honest truth in them. I wasn't sure I believed in soulmates, but that definition could almost certainly be a possibility for the feelings I was experiencing. "I think we need to learn from our parents and endeavour not to repeat their mistakes," I offered quietly. "That's a good way of putting it." Shea smiled slightly. "Come on, I better get you home." Shea jumped up to his feel and then helped me to mine. His large hand enveloped mine, and I was reluctant to let it go. "I enjoyed our date," Shea said, without letting go of my hand. "That was a date, was it?" I asked vulnerably. Shea leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek, lingering for a moment. I felt my pulse quicken as I held my breath. "Doesn't it feel like one?" he whispered. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. I shivered. Oh, yes it did. Shea walked me back to my car and opened my door for me. I climbed into the driver's seat and Shea leant on the door. "Can I have your phone number?" he asked hopefully. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to him. "Put your number in and I'll text you, so you have mine, too." He smiled devilishly. "Or maybe I'll text myself, so you don't chicken out." "Hey!" I snapped. Shea laughed as he typed in his phone number. I could see by the screen that he had indeed gone and texted himself. "Can I call you later?" What would my mom say if she knew a boy, a senior boy, was calling me late at night? Would she put a stop to it? Would she make me stop whatever this was? I felt like I was too far in to stop. "I'll call you," I decided. It would be safe to call once Mom had gone to bed. "Do you promise?" I offered him my pinkie finger. "Pinkie swear." I smiled as he linked his finger with mine. Shea then closed my door and let me pull out of the parking space. I noticed my car was the only one parked for a while. Looking at the clock on the dash I could see it was nearly eight-thirty, so the majority of businesses were shut. I wondered if Shea lived near me, near enough to walk home. As I drove, I thought about what Shea would be going home to. I felt so sorry for his mom. To still be in such a deep depression after the loss of her husband was devastating. What was even worse was that Shea felt it was up to him to hold up the rafters of his home. It was his responsibility to look after his mom, as well as Cece. He couldn't go away to college because he felt that his home couldn't function without him. And by the sounds of it, he was right. How was that fair? One thing I knew for sure, Shea had honour. He respected and loved his family more than himself. Zoey was right. I shuddered at that thought. I was too quick to judge Shea. I was looking forward to our phone call.