Chapter 52: XXIV. Reassurance-1

"A man's spirit is free, but his pride binds him with chains of suffocation in a prison of his own insecurities" Jeremy Aldana ---- Chapter XXIV – Reassurance The bell rang, and I told Cece I would see her in English. I quickly ran into the girl's bathroom and called Shea. I needed to communicate. I couldn't stew on these fears and questions I had, and would no doubt keep having as I further understood their world. As always, Shea answered on the first ring. It was something that I was quickly coming to love about him. "Sara?" he breathed. "Ihavetogotocollege," I blurted out all in one go. "What?" I took a deep breath. "I have to go to college, a four-year college," I said, slowing down my words. "Not just because my mom would drag me to one, but because I want to. College is important, and I might get into one out of state, and I want that to be an option for me. I don't know what you expect of me, or need from me, but I need you to know that." "You're going to college," Shea replied quietly, but confidently. "You're too smart not to. I don't know what Cece said to you, but you have no obligations to our pack. You are my mate, but you are also human. I couldn't make you do anything that you didn't want to. I would never do that." I wondered if my mom had had this same conversation with my dad. She stayed in Providence after high school to be with him. Had he told her not to go? "No matter what you decide, or where ever you decide to go, I will be in the front row cheering like a lunatic when you get that diploma. My burdens aren't yours, Sara. I don't get to choose. I could never take your choices away from you." Shit. But this time, it was a good shit. As in shit, Shea could be so incredibly selfless. And in turn, I felt so incredibly stupid. Shea was not going to hold me back. Just like my dad would not have held my mom back if they'd managed to communicate properly. And just like Shea wanted more for me, I wanted more for Shea. To not have choices at eighteen? That wasn't right. That wasn't fair. The world was supposed to be at our feet at eighteen. We were silent on the phone for a minute or two, and I already knew I was late for English. But I didn't feel like going now. I had never skipped a class in my life, but I really couldn't force myself to care about prose right now. "If you could be anything, Shea, anything in the world, what would it be?" I asked him quietly. "I would be the kind of man his family can depend on," he replied effortlessly. "The kind of man that a college educated young woman could respect and love." I caught sight of my reflection as he said those words, and I saw my pure reaction. The touched emotion was written all over my face. "I love you," I whispered, without realising the words had escaped my mouth. They came naturally, and my heart realised them before my head did. I loved Shea. Maybe I was delusional in convincing myself that it was too soon, that I wasn't ready, that I wasn't there yet. But I was. I had been for a while. Maybe I had been from the start. I loved Shea, and I didn't think I would ever stop. I heard his breathing stagger on the other end of the phone as he heard my words. It made me smile uncontrollably. I loved him. I loved him. I couldn't stop my brain at this point. "Braverman!" I heard a voice bark in the background. "Is that a cell phone?" Oh my God, Shea was in class. I didn't think he would answer if he was in class. Then again, I was supposed to be in class, too. "Sorry Mr Barry, my girlfriend just told me that she loved me so we're kind of having a moment," Shea told Mr Barry unapologetically. I, on the other hand, was mortified for him. "How nice," replied Mr Barry sarcastically, as the students in the background cheered. "Tell me more about it in detention. Cell phone," he demanded. "Shea, I'm so sorry!" I cried. Shea just laughed. "Don't be. Nothing can ruin my mood today. I love you, too." The call ended. Smiling, I put my phone in my back pocket and went over to the basins to check my appearance before I went back out into the hall. The acne that had reared its ugly head on Saturday was still there, but it didn't look as angry. I had been able to cover the blemishes this morning and they didn't look too bad. I tucked some loose hair behind my heads and sighed. I was then suddenly startled when one of the cubicles unlocked and someone emerged. I hadn't thought to check if I was alone in the bathroom when I had come in to call Shea. I momentarily panicked, trying to remember if I had said anything that would give his secret away before I realised that it was Zoey. Zoey, with what seemed like her permanent sneer facial expression, glared at me as she came over to the basin to wash her hands. "I understand you know our little secret now," she muttered. Zoey raised her eyebrows and looked at herself closely in the mirror, using her index finger to make sure her eyelashes were still curled. I didn't say anything. I merely nodded. Zoey looked away from herself and turned to me, placing her manicured hands on her perfectly proportioned waist. "Well then, now that you understand how he feels about you, not sure why," she said the last part under her breath, "I would suggest you show a little more respect to Shea by not whoring around with other guys," she snapped. Now knowing what I did not about her, I merely smiled. Zoey was jealous. And she was just too damned proud to admit that Josh was for her. "What I do, and who I choose to do it with, is none of your business," I retorted, deliberately trying to sound coy. "Humans, after all, are not monogamous." My words hit her like a slap in the face, and she recoiled, her eyes flaring furiously. Zoey reached out her hands in pure rage, as though she wanted to strangle me, but she pulled her hands back as she clenched her teeth. "You are lucky I have self-control," she spat. "I swear to God, if I see you and your whorish smile anywhere near …" she closed her eyes and took a breath. "I will not be accountable for my actions."