Chapter 50: XXIII. Comfortable(ish)-1

"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage ---- Chapter XXIII – Comfortable(ish) Mom had a seven o'clock patient, so she was gone by the time I managed to pull myself out of bed on Monday. I nibbled on a bran bar and sipped a coffee while I quickly finished off my homework that I had seriously neglected over the weekend. In fact, sitting at my kitchen counter with my algebra notes in front of me on a Monday morning seemed pretty normal. I was actually relieved considering the weekend that I'd had. I didn't want anything to be weird. I didn't want anything to be difficult. I could only imagine what awaited me at school. Cece, first up, in Spanish. I could already see her bouncing in her seat as she waited to hear everything. But thinking of Cece made me smile nostalgically for a bit. Her father, Robert, had bragged about her to my father, Ronan. They had both claimed that their daughter was the prettiest. It made me happy to know that after everything, I was friends with someone that I would have grown up with had I been allowed to stay in Providence. And Robert had been right. My dad had just been biased. I packed my bag, checked that I had all my homework, and made sure my phone was set to vibrate. Shoving it in the back pocket of my jeans, I gave my appearance the once over in the mirror by the front door, before grabbing my keys. As soon as I opened the front door, I noticed Shea's black truck parked on the curb outside my house. He was leaning against the passenger side door, waiting for me. I stared for a moment. Shea looked ridiculously good looking today. I mean, he always looked handsome, better looking than any boy I knew back home in Bedford, but today, oh my God. He wore a tight pair of black jeans, rolled up at the ankles, and a pair of expensive looking sneakers. His t-shirt was white and plain, but tight on the arms, hugging his bulging biceps, which were flexed as they were folded across his chest. I think what made me notice his appearance so much this morning was his confidence. He had a renewed, confident smile on his face as he looked at me, it only widening as he saw me leave the house. My heart fluttered. Holy shit. That boy loved me. I felt like I was seeing with 20/20 vision today or something. There were no secrets. Shea knew me, and I certainly knew Shea. I could see him properly. I could see how he felt about me. It was written all over his face. I could see that through the macho, confident high school senior was a good, decent brother and son who cared so deeply about his family. Shea bounced off the side of his car and came over to me. I realised I hadn't moved from the front door. He was grinning at me, the skin at his eyes crinkling adorably. I loved his brown eyes. They were so warm and comforting. "It almost sounds like you've seen something you like, Sara," Shea said, tapping his ear. I snapped out of my lustful trance and embarrassingly realised that he could hear my heart palpitations. Blushing, I turned away, making sure I had locked the front door, checking again twice to avoid facing him. "Hey," Shea said softly, his arms snaking around my waist from behind as he met me at the door. "If you could hear mine, you would know that it's doing the same thing. You have noidea how you affect me," he muttered in my ear. The warmth of his voice sent a shiver down my spine. As much as he made me feel as though I was out of my comfort zone, I enjoyed confident Shea. I didn't like to make him feel insecure, and our conversation last night had obviously made him feel better about my feelings for him. I needed to be confident, too. I wanted to be confident. I spun around in Shea's arms, facing him, and I looked up to him. "How do I affect you?" I asked him. He smiled devilishly, appreciating my forwardness. "Let me count the ways," he murmured. "Your scent is always the thing that hits me first. It fogs up my brain to the point where you are the only thing that I can focus on. You smell … fresh, like the rain. It's different, and it suits me perfectly." Shea suddenly pressed his lips to my neck and inhaled. I shivered again. Shea then placed his hand underneath my chin and brought it up. He stood back to his full height and looked down at me. "And then when I finally see you, it's your eyes that get me. They're so big, so green, and they betray your every thought most of the time, which I enjoy. I can't look away. Nature won't allow it. Eyes really are the window to the soul. Yours are so pure and innocent. I want your eyes to see me, the good and the bad. Because I feel that when you're looking at me, you understand me. To be seen by you makes me want to be better for you." Shea's thumb ran over my bottom lip, which dropped slightly. His eyes dropped to my lips for a moment. "And when you speak to me, when you talk to me, when you say my name, you truly have me under your spell. I would do anything you asked of me, Sara." My traitor heart kept flip-flopping, which caused a smile to tug at the corner of Shea's mouth. I wondered if I would ever understand the mate thing. Would I ever have the capacity, as a human, to reciprocate? All I knew for sure was that Shea was incredibly important. He spoke so well, so vulnerably and honestly about how he felt, and I truly adored it. While I still had a few seconds left of my confidence, I stood up on my toes and kissed him. I closed my eyes and felt a true connection with Shea. We fit together perfectly, and he responded to me enthusiastically. He held me tightly, one hand around my waist, the other cupping my cheek. I was startled by my phone, causing me to pull away. "Your ass just vibrated," he uttered humorously, not breaking eye-contact with me. I blushed as I pulled my phone out and saw this it was a message from Cece. "It's Cece," I told him. I opened the message to see a funny countdown to Spanish. Shea rolled his eyes. "I hate my sister sometimes." I laughed. "Come on. She wanted to be the one to drive you this morning. She's excited to gossip with you." He shook his head, but led me towards his truck, keeping an arm around my waist. "There is one more thing about you that affects me," he added. "What?" I asked. "You're super hot," he said casually. I gaped at him as we walked. Shea just grinned and kissed my temple. "Damn. I still think about that latex dress you wore to Zoey's party," he teased, but I could tell by the huskiness of his voice that he was being one hundred percent serious. I managed to casually laugh, but it made me feel quite vulnerable to hear of him talking about me in that way. I mean, I know I had just majorly checked him out only five minutes ago, but to hear of him talk about being sexually attracted to me made me feel like a fish out of water. I knew I wasn't ready. I wasn't fully comfortable. I still hoped he was okay with that. Shea, probably hearing my panic, didn't say anything, and I was grateful. He opened my door for me before jogging around to the driver's side and climbing in. "I get that this is a lot to comprehend in such a short amount of time." I was wrong about the not saying anything. I swallowed loudly. Shea smiled at me and tilted his head. "Sara, you are the most important person in my life now. You always will be, no matter what happens. You don't have to be nervous about anything with me."