Chapter 26: XII. Colder-1

"Never hide things from hardcore thinkers. They get more aggravated, more provoked by confusion than the most painful truths." Criss Jami ---- Chapter XII – Colder I didn't hear from Shea again on Saturday. He never replied to my texts. He never called me back. Not even Cece texted me back. And it took all my willpower not to message Zoey to ask if she had seen Shea at all today. I tried my best to put on a happy face for my mom. Today was clearly important to her. We got blowouts, we saw the movie. I wasn't concentrating, but I made sure the laugh when she did. She then took me out to lunch at this little Italian restaurant that she told me she had been frequenting for lunch. By the time we'd walked along the main street and shopped in every little boutique that Mom pulled me into, it was nearing dinner time. Mom asked if I wanted to find a restaurant for dinner, but I opted for fast food on the way home. She obliged me. It was clear that Shea wasn't going to be joining us for dinner anyway. "Are you okay, Sara?" Mom asked me quietly as we drove back towards Providence. "Yeah," I lied. "You know you can tell me if something's wrong," she urged. I stole a glance at her, but she was looking at the road. "It's Shea," I admitted. "He hasn't talked to me all day. I don't know, I'm just a little worried." Little was an understatement. For a split second, I could had sworn she smiled. But it was gone so fast I was questioning whether I'd really seen her do it. "Oh, honey," she said sympathetically, "teenage boys are never reliable. Best to wait for college to meet someone. Someone mature, a pre-med, or a pre-law student?" she suggested. I mean, I knew she wasn't Shea's number one fan, but she had sure given up on him quickly. It pissed me off. "Mom, a little support would be nice," I snapped. "I am being supportive!" she retorted, huffing. "I'm telling you that you shouldn't worry yourself over a silly high school boy when there are bigger and better things to look forward to in your future!" I wasn't going to get the kind of support I wanted from Mom. Unless I was in the mood to bash Shea for being a member of the male species, she wasn't the person to talk to. I needed a girlfriend to talk about my boyfriend problems. But Cece wasn't answering either. It was incredible how I had gone from such a big high last night, to feeling so flat and miserable today. I freaking hated this. Shea had honestly better hope something had happened to him because he couldn't be this much of a jerk on purpose. I immediately took that thought back. I felt horrible and guilty for it. When Mom pulled into a drive through, I mumbled my order for a cheeseburger and I held our food on my lap as she finished the drive back to our house. But I wasn't really hungry. Mom was still acting like today had been the best day ever. She put our food on plates and flipped through the DVR before settling on something to watch. I placed my phone on the arm of my chair so that I could see it if a message popped up. I didn't have the sound on. I didn't want Mom saying anything if she heard my phone chime. I practically jumped out of my skin every time an email came through for some website I was subscribed to or if a new show had been added to Netflix. And disappointment filled me every time when I realised it wasn't from Shea. When the show finished, I took my plate to the kitchen and excused myself, offering my mom a thank you for our day out. She smiled at me warmly, before selecting something else to watch. I went upstairs and changed into my pyjamas and climbed into bed. I needed to put my phone away before it drove me crazy. But I needed to send him one last message. Hope your day was good. I missed hearing from you. I hope everything is okay. I'm here if you need me. I'll see you tomorrow at 11 xx I hadn't forgotten about his invitation to meet his mom. He had invited me only yesterday. I would be ready to go at eleven, and ready to listen to whatever explanation he had for today. *** I didn't sleep well. I didn't have the same dream as I did the night before, but I still didn't sleep that great. I woke up just after eight o'clock, and I didn't feel rested. And surprise, surprise. There were no messages on my phone. Only junk emails. I jumped in the shower to wake myself up, but all that did was give me time to think about yesterday, Friday, and today. What would I do if it really was over? It had barely started. How could I be this anxious, this much of a mess, when it had barely started? In frustration, I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and my sneakers, as well as a sports bra and a tank top. I decided to go running. I never ran, but I thought that focusing on not dying while exercising might take my mind off of things and help eleven o'clock come faster. Mom wasn't up. Her door was still shut when I walked past. I shoved a house key in my bra and my phone in the waist band of my yoga pants and took off out my front door. I was so unfit. The only time I ran was during mandatory gym class. I was fortunate to have the kind of metabolism that didn't punish me to the extent that I needed to exercise regularly, but that didn't mean I shouldn't. I left my street and ran down the beach. I tried to concentrate on my breathing, the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, and the feeling of the sand underneath my feet. The cool sand hadn't dried since the tide had gone back out, so it was still pretty compact under my feet. It helped my speed, so I didn't look like an unfit elephant while running. At least, I hoped I didn't. I pushed myself. Hard. I sprinted for ten seconds, and then slowed, then sprinted again. I ran until I felt like I was going to vomit my stomach up. My heart was thumping a million miles an hour. My head was going even faster. I think I stopped breathing, and I blacked out before I even hit the ground. *** I heard voices, I think. "… protect … watch … saw … faint." Male, deep, Shea.Shea was here. I tried to say his name, but my mouth wasn't working.