Chapter 3

I woke up before Logan. The impact of what I had done the previous night hit me. Or rather, what I had enjoyed throughout the night till the early hours of the morning. He had woken me up a few times and we had had sex four more times. The first two times were just as hard and passionate as the first round. Then the other ones were slow. Everything felt different.

But that wasn't the point. The point was that I had had unprotected sex (multiple times!) with a stranger. I didn't know this man, and all the diseases he could be harboring. And I let him slide in me and give me more orgasms than I could count. I didn't regret anything. Just the lack of protection.

I went down from the bed, careful not to wake him up. I didn't want that awkward morning after situation I had read about countless times. I didn't know how I would even look at him in the eye after this. It seemed like that sex goddess who knew what she liked last night had disappeared.

The prudish little nerd had come back, and she wanted to leave. I picked up my discarded underwear, my dress and quickly put them on. Then I pulled out my phone from my bag and called an Uber. Or I was going to call an Uber. But I had absolutely no idea where I was. So I went to Google Maps.

After sending the address to the Uber driver, I went down the stairs carefully. But not after throwing one last look at Logan. He was even more beautiful when he was sleeping. He looked peaceful and his intense grey eyes were hidden away. I widened my eyes at the marks that I had left with my nails but some weird part of me actually felt good about it. It felt like I had "marked him"

I sighed and went downstairs, exiting the apartment so I could wait for the Uber outside. But as I was getting out, I saw a man coming down the stairs. Our eyes met and I blushed, then I rushed out quickly, not wanting to get even more embarrassed. Great. Another thing to add to my list of bad decisions. Making the walk of shame.

About ten minutes later, the car pulled up, finally. I took one last look at it before getting my Uber.

"Rough night, huh?" the Uber driver said, looking at me through the rear-view mirror. I frowned at him, but I didn't answer. Just looked away and prayed that I got closer to my destination soon.

We reached my apartment a short while later and I left the Uber silently. The only thing I needed was a long bath and sleep. I wasn't going to think of anything else. The last thing I needed to do was sit there and watch TV and videos all day. Or do anything else really.

After I had taken my bath, I got into bed and drifted away, trying not to think too hard about the tall man with grey eyes who had taken my virginity—whom I had given my virginity.

***

Hours later, I woke up. My phone was bursting with messages from my best friend. She hadn't known anything about me going to a bar. I didn't tell her because I knew that she was going to disapprove. Hana liked to think that she was my older sister, and she could get extremely protective.

Soon after I woke up, I heard her get in. She had her own key, so I wasn't surprised that she came her after texting and calling like five hundred times. Now, it wasn't that I didn't want her to be here, but there were still a lot of things I hadn't come to terms with, and I didn't know if I could share with her in that instant. She was my best friend, but I was allowed to have my own secrets sometimes, yeah?

"So you've been sleeping all day, and you couldn't even reply to one of my texts," was the first thing she said when she got into my room.

"I was tired," I said then I bit my lip. Hana knew I didn't go to work the previous day. I had asked for an off day. And me saying I was tired…I was going to have to explain it to her.

"What did you do?" she asked, looking at me suspiciously. She walked to the bed and picked at my hair.

I swatted her hand away and stood up from the bed, intending on going to the kitchen to get something to eat without confessing all of the stupid things I had done last night. As I wobbled to the kitchen, I heard Hana gasp.

"You had sex?" she screeched, and I turned to look at her, alarmed.

How did she guess? And I knew not to deny it. The look on my face would give me away. Plus, I could hide things from Hana but lying to her outrightly was something I had never done successfully.

"I…" I trailed out. I didn't know what to say.

Yes Hana, I had sex. I went to a bar, he bought me a drink, took me back to his apartment and we fucked like bunnies. Oh also, we didn't use protection.

Ha! As if. Hana was going to have a fit it I told her something like that. And I didn't want to hear another of her godforsaken screeches. So I kept quiet.

"Were you planning on telling me this, Ava?" she asked, a hurt note in her voice.

I moaned and turned towards her. "Babes it's not like that. I am still…coming to terms with all that happened last night. I am not trying to hide anything from you. I promise."

Hana stared at me for a while like she was trying to gauge my sincerity. Then she nodded. "But for not telling me instantly, you're going to have to make me breakfast. You stressed me out."

"No problem," I laughed and wobbled to the kitchen.

My legs felt like jelly. But after all that had happened between Logan and I, I was even surprised that I was still able to stand, let alone walk. He had been insatiable, and I had been as well. I hoped I had worn him out the way he did to me. If not, it wouldn't be fair.

"Just tell me one thing. Was it any good?" Hana asked and I laughed. I knew she wouldn't be able to hide her curiosity for much longer.

"Five rounds and I lost count of the number of times I orgasmed," I admitted, my cheeks heating up. It was for us to talk about anything that was sexual in nature. Anyways with regards to me. Hana wasn't a virgin like me (even though I was pretty sure I had lost that title the night before) so she'd tell me everything. But nothing was ever sexual when it came to me.

"Oh my God, are you serious?" she screeched, and I fought the urge to laugh. Actually, I couldn't fight it. Because before I knew it, it was bursting out of me.

"Yes, ma’am. Why do you think I am wobbling like this?" I asked with a smirk. Then I walked to the breakfast bar and took out the cereal. Hana was going to have to do with this one because I was too tired to prepare actual breakfast or food of any kind.

"So, when next are you guys going to see each other?" she asked, and my motions stilled.

When next was I going to see Logan, if ever? Yes, he had taken me to his apartment but even when I had asked his name, he hadn't returned the courtesy. I guess he didn't want that clinginess but who did. We hadn't even exchanged phone numbers. I bit my lip and removed the milk from the fridge.

"Well?" Hana asked impatiently.

I could understand her impatience. But damn I felt like telling her to shut up in that instant. I didn't want to think about certain things in that moment, and the fact that she was asking me all these questions, it was bringing everything back.

"I am not sure we are ever going to see each other," I said quietly, then I bit my lip. It had been hard admitting that one out loud.

"Oh," was Hana's only response. "I…May I ask why?"

"Oh, I just realized that he didn't even bother to ask my name. Besides, we didn't exchange phone numbers, so there's no way we are going to be able to keep in contact. But it's fine." It wasn't, but I was going to get over it.

Hana understood not to push again so she took the bowl of cereal I extended to her and started eating while I was lost in thought.

"Still don't know how you managed to sneak out on me. Your best friend," she grumbled.

I laughed. Hana knew just the things to say to take me out of my bad mood. "I love you, Hana."

"I love you too, hon. But next time you think about keeping things like this from me, I am going to castrate you."

I laughed again. Oh, Hana.

***

Hana had left. I was alone. I could now think back on everything that had happened the previous night. Why hadn't I realized that Logan wasn't interested in me past sex?

Not that I had fallen in love with the man or anything, but it was just so weird. How did you have sex with someone without even bothering to know their names? Was it because he was so experienced with all this that something like a name was the least of his worries? Maybe.

But still. It made me…insecure. I was attracted to him. And I had honestly thought the feeling was a bit mutual. But he clearly wasn't attracted to me. It was clear that all he needed was a warm body to pass the night with and I had fit the bill. I didn't mind one bit but…Actually, I minded.

I minded a lot even. But I wasn't going to dwell on it. I didn't want to beat my confidence even further than I had. I should be happy. I had gone out, I had drunk (not gotten drunk though), and I had had sex with a hot and experienced stranger. If that wasn't something to celebrate, I don't know what was. I had successfully added a whole lot of experiences to my list of bad decisions.

But I felt…hollow. I thought it was going to make me fulfilled. But this? I wasn't sure I could ever do it again. The sex with a total stranger. The other parts were okay, not experiences that I would stumble over my feet to go through again. But the sex was an absolute no no.

I didn't want to sit in my bedroom every night when I came back, alone and thinking about strangers who were probably just thinking about their next fuck. Moping around about people who didn't even care to ask my first name? I was much better than that. I was! And it would do no good for me to sit here and mope.

I sighed and got out of the bed. A bright idea came to my mind. What if I went over to Logan's apartment? I mean I still knew the address courtesy of Google Maps. What if I went there totally out of the blue and just surprised him? Show up in a trench coat with sexy lingerie underneath and drop it as soon as he got the door open?

Then I shook my head. I was watching to many movies and reading too many romance books. Best case scenario was, he would take me in, we would go at it again like some bunnies in heat, then he would tell me to get out and that he never wanted to see me again. Or he would simply call the cops as soon as I got in.

Or maybe…Oh my God what if he had a partner? I absolutely hoped that was not the case. I could bear the thought of sleeping with a total stranger. But not if they were in a relationship or worse still, married. What if I showed up to his apartment and it was his partner who received me?

Oh my God, the embarrassment. I would never be able to show my face anywhere. Ever again. I would just become a recluse and live on the savings I had managed to collect over the years.

I shook my head at my own antics. I was doing it again, overthinking things. I knew it was doing more harm than good but damned if I knew when to stop. I was an overthinker. I couldn't help it. I sighed and picked up my phone and called Hana. She was the only person who would be able to rationalize things for me.

"Ava?"

"I'm coming over."

***

"You're not dying or anything, are you?" Hana gasped suddenly, "That fucker didn't give you an STI I hope?" she exclaimed. "I fucking hope you used protection."

"Can I get in now, mom?" I was still standing at the door because Hana had started bombarding me with questions even before I could say anything.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly, then let me in.

"So?" Hana questioned as soon as we settled in, and I got too quiet.

"So…Last night I went out. I wanted to do it. Because you kept saying how it would be so much better if I could come out of my shell and let loose for once. So I—"

"Wait baby, I was just joking. I didn't mean for you to do things that you've never done before," she said frowning. I waved her off.

"Don't feel guilty, hon. I needed to do it for myself too. I mean, I barely socialize. Ever. Not even at work. I needed to step out of my comfort zone, you know? Also, I wanted to know why you think it's a good idea to drink again after you get hungover and swear you'll never touch alcohol in your life."

Hana giggled and I laughed alongside her. "So I went to a bar. I honestly for the life of me can't remember the name," I said laughingly, then I tucked my feet underneath my body. "It was boring, you know? Everyone was already talking to everyone. And I was there, sitting and drinking all alone. Nobody approached me." I ignored Hana's sad expression.

"Then he did. He ordered something more appropriate for me at the bar. And spent his time educating me about—did you know there are rules you have to follow when you go out?" I exclaimed, looking at Hana quizzically.

"Uhm, yes. Don't drink any opened drink from a stranger—"

"It's okay," I said blushing. I really was the most clueless person on Earth. My research hadn't told me that and I had not asked Hana because she would ask me where I was going. "So he asked me in a subtle way whether I wanted to go home with him and I accepted. We reached, we had sex like bunnies. I did the walk of shame and here we are."

Hana's mouth hung open. "I tell you to let loose and you just go wild. Okay shoot it at me, what's the main problem?"

"Can you fall in love with someone you just met?