IVANA

"I know you can keep this family together, Eve." Her words still rang in my ears even after 10 years. I took deep inhales and exhales to steady my breathing. After getting a grip of myself, I stepped out of the bathroom, my wet hair dripping, and grabbed the towel from the hook. Glancing out the window, I saw a thick blanket of snow covering the ground, and sighed heavily. My 22-year-old sister still slept in her bed; I threw the towel on a nearby chair and pulled away her covers with one swift tug.

"Eve, give me back the blanket! It's Sunday morning - can't I sleep some more?" she whined in her sleepy voice, but I refused to give in and set the blankets aside. I bent down to her level, tilted my head and said firmly,

"So what? We have to pack soon - only one week left. Get up!"

She sniffed and reluctantly shuffled off towards the bathroom. Checking my wristwatch, it was 9:30 in the morning; giving one last glance at the bathroom door, I made my way downstairs. I hastily put up my wavy hair into a ponytail as I entered the kitchen and tied an apron around my waist. The house was still quiet - everyone else was still asleep - so I set about preparing breakfast.

As I flipped the omelette in the pan, I heard my brother's footsteps coming into the room. He was wearing his favourite full sleeve t-shirt and his hair was still wet from the morning shower. I turned to him with an eyebrow raised, silently asking what he wanted for breakfast.

"Omelette and pancakes," I said, but stopped when I saw the scowl on his face.

"You know I don't like those," he said, rolling his eyes. A moment of tense silence passed between us before I let out a heavy sigh and returned to the fridge to take out a carton of milk and a bowl from the table. I served up some oats in the bowl and poured the milk over it before passing it to him. His smile widened as he gave me a flying kiss and when I said,

"You know, 17 years is enough for me to remember your choices."

"Sorry. My bad. I forgot Ms. Ivana can never forget anything about us." He raised his hands in surrender and winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at him before Dad stepped into the room, still yawning and dishevelled from not having taken a shower yet. He sat down at the table with a frown as Mom entered behind him, her expression equally as grumpy. It was evident that they'd had another fight in the morning.

With a heavy sigh, I stood up again to serve my parents their breakfast. "You should have waited for me," Mom mumbled with a glare directed at me.

"It's fine." I replied calmly before sitting back down between Dad and my brother,

"Where is Freya?" Dad asked

"She was...." I stopped when she answered,

"I am here." She pulled out the chair beside her mother and sat down. Mom passed her the plate of buttery pancakes, and she quickly served herself a generous portion. Taking a bite, she closed her eyes and softly moaned, savouring the deliciousness.

"Oh!!! Eve. Your boyfriend or husband would be so lucky to eat your cooked food every day. I love it so much."

My stomach knotted and my throat grew tight. I stopped chewing, my spoon hovering in midair as I glanced warily between my parents. Their eyes were locked in a heated stare that seemed to burn the air around us. I took a deep breath and broke away from their gaze, lowering my spoon back into the bowl of soup in front of me.

"Since, everyone is here. I think we should discuss packing and shifting. There's less than a week left." Mom said after everyone was done with their breakfast. My siblings made frowning faces but sat in their places.

"So, I am done with the living room and kitchen is also mostly done. Just our rooms and store room are remaining. So, when are you guys doing it? And one more thing, we have to shift there on Friday. Because it will give us time to set things up on the weekend. And we can get back to work from next Monday." Mom explained her plan.

"But, mom, I have an important presentation this week. So, I won't be able to help it." Freya replied.

"Even I have my football practice. Since the match is next Wednesday, the coach is quite strict with the practice." My brother answered.

"Even, I have to check papers for my class. But, I am taking out time, right? So you guys should do it too." Mom said angrily.

"But, I...."

"Mom, my..."

My siblings stopped their rants when my mom showed them a palm. But, before she could say something I jumped in between,

"It's ok, mom. I'll do it. I can take a week off from my office. I'll manage everything. I don't know if anyone will have any issues for the week off as I'll be a call away. Besides, family is important. You guys stick to your plans, I'll manage everything."

With a smile, I looked at everyone to see if they were happy about it or not? Dad sighed, mom shook her head and my siblings were beyond happy. Rowan side-hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and said,

"Eve, you are the best. What would we do without you?"

"I suppose you'll never find out." I replied with a smile. And just like that, seeing them smile made my day.

I started packing up the house for our move the next day, beginning with my parents' bedroom, then Rowan's, and finally mine and Freya's. As I made one last sweep through the storeroom to make sure we weren't leaving anything behind, a box caught my eye—my name was written on top in my mother's neat handwriting.

Dust flew into my face as I opened it, making me choke and cough from my dust allergy. As I recovered, I spotted an old framed photo of me in high school peeking out from beneath some books. Buried deep inside the box was an unopened envelope addressed to me from a therapist I had seen weeks prior but forgotten about until now. With confusion thinking when she sent me this, I ripped open the seal and read:

Presenting Concerns: Ivana expressed a persistent concern regarding her family dynamics, particularly her perceived responsibility to prioritise their well-being above her own. She conveyed a deep-seated fear that placing herself as a priority would lead to the fragmentation of her family unit. Ivana exhibited apprehension towards asserting her own desires, wishes, and needs, as she believed it could potentially jeopardise the stability and unity of her family.

Clinical Observations: During the session, Ivana displayed emotional distress when discussing the notion of self-care and personal fulfilment. She appeared to harbour a strong belief that her own happiness should be subjugated to the needs and expectations of her family members. This belief seemed to be deeply ingrained within her psyche, resulting in emotional and physical exhaustion due to the immense responsibility she felt for maintaining familial cohesion.

My eyes scanned the therapist's report, a look of disbelief creeping across my face. I let out an exasperated sigh and shook my head, muttering to myself.

"Now, I understand why it's here! And a bullshit," I scoffed, crumpling the paper in my hand and tossed it into the nearby trash can with a dismissive flick of my wrist.

Who were they to question my dedication to my family? My family is my only priority. Taking care of them was second nature to me, not some psychological puzzle to unravel. I couldn't fathom why anyone would think it was a big deal.

With a roll of my eyes and a shrug, I pushed the report out of her mind. It didn't affect me much, just left me momentarily confused. But really, what was wrong with putting our family first?

I headed out of the storeroom, my mind still reeling from the thrown report. As I made my way to the living room, the soft patter of footsteps echoed behind me. Mom appeared, wearing a concerned expression on her face.

"Ivana, there's something important I need to tell you," Mom began, her voice gentle yet filled with urgency. "The movers and packers will finish everything today, and we'll be heading to our new home tomorrow morning."

My heart skipped a beat at the news, and I felt a surge of mixed emotions. Excitement and anticipation mingled with a tinge of sadness, knowing that our time in this house, filled with countless memories, was coming to an end.

"Oh, okay," I managed to reply, trying to sound unaffected by the news. "I'll make sure everything is in order before we leave."

Mom nodded appreciatively and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I know you will, sweetheart. You always take care of everything so well. We're lucky to have you." A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I tried to hide my conflicted feelings.

As the day wore on, I immersed myself in the tasks at hand, keeping myself busy to avoid dwelling on the recent events. I organised boxes, ensured the movers handled our belongings with care, and provided the family with any assistance they needed. All the while, I kept my emotions carefully guarded, not letting anyone see the turmoil within me.

Later in the evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, the house gradually transformed into a maze of labelled boxes, ready for the move. My phone buzzed with an incoming call – it was my assistant. A sudden jolt of panic shot through me; I had forgotten about the work project amidst all the chaos.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to sound composed despite the mounting pressure.

"Ivana, just wanted to check on the progress. When can we expect the work to be done?" her voice rang through the receiver.

"Today, I promise. I'll send it to you first thing tomorrow morning," I assured, silently praying that I could keep my word.

With determination, I dived into the work, setting up my laptop and immersing myself in the task. Minutes turned to hours, and the quiet of the night enveloped the house. The only sounds were the soft clicks of the keyboard and the occasional rustling of moving boxes outside.

As the clock struck 2 in the morning, I finally completed the project. A sense of relief washed over me, but it was quickly overtaken by exhaustion. My eyes felt heavy, and my body longed for rest, but I pushed through, sending the work to my boss before shutting down the laptop.

With the work finally behind me, I trudged upstairs to my room. As I crawled into bed, my mind couldn't help but drift back to the recent events. Even in my weariness, I couldn't shake the lingering doubts and confusion.

But for now, I pushed those thoughts aside. Tomorrow was a new day, and we would be starting a new chapter in our new home. I needed to be strong for my family and embrace the changes ahead, just like I always did. With that resolve, I closed my eyes, letting the weariness carry me into a restless sleep.